Our Cozy Corner..

My husband and I live in a corner of my Mother-in-law's house; we have a living room fortified with boxes and furniture lined walls where we entertain ourselves and our friends, a bedroom almost too small for our towering king sized bed and a tiny closet bursting with clothes, and a bathroom with sickly pale lavender walls.
It's never easy to live under someone else's roof and I think that's why as children we anticipate growing up and getting out on our own. I feel it's in our nature to want to build our own lives, make our own choices, and form our own "nests." It's even harder once I have made my own "nest," and life, and had freedom to make my own choices to have to regress and loose almost entirely all I've built and earned.
I have learned a lot about myself, my husband and his family. It has taken a great deal of tenacity and courage to face our situation, and to find happiness together in the midst of our efforts to climb out of this seemingly ever darkening hole. I think the worst part is feeling the shame and humiliation of our obvious situation. It's hard enough to try to recover from falling on your face, but falling on your face where everyone you know can see and laugh at and judge you is ten times worse.
I've relearned humility; I'd hoped I'd never again have to be looked down on or be discluded from activities purely because of finances. I've learned what real friends are and money and processions don't make a person happy for long. I used to think if I wore the latest trends and ate at the fanciest restaurants I would live a better quality of life and have more refined friends. I've learned eating at home is better quality, and learning to cook more cultured foods is more satisfying, wearing comely less expensive clothing is more comfortable and less regretful when they get damaged or won't fit anymore. The so-called "refined" friends are no more cultured than anyone else, most of the time. I appreciate my friends who are loyal, down to earth, and have more pertinent interests. Acquiring talents bring more fulfillment than acquiring possessions, and I enjoy making nice things for my home much more than buying them.
As my husband and I have been slowly piecing our life back together, I feel gratitude for my friends who haven't turned up their noses at me, for a mother in law who lets us share her roof while we have none of our own, and for my own parents whose constant faith in my abilities and judgement have never wavered. I'm grateful to my Father in Heaven for blessing me with talents that help me to overcome financial difficulty and with a family and friends who have helped me develop them. I am most grateful for my caring, forgiving, thoughtful, and courageous husband who always stands by my side and makes me laugh when I feel as though I will never laugh again, and he never gives up trying to find our way out of this mess.
Hardship comes to everyone at some time in his/her life, I always try to remember, "This too shall pass" and ask Father in Heaven to bear up my legs under me so that I may persevere. I hope that I may learn my lesson and not mock or scorn those who may appear beggars.
"For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?" (Mosiah 4:19) Sometimes it's hard to remember that when I am faced with someone who is dirty and ungenteel and clearly doesn't know what it is to be a useful member of society. Maybe that sounds snobby, but lets face it; no one likes to feel encroached on or uncomfortably near someone with bad hygiene. It's sometimes hard to treat a person like a child of God when you feel that person might try to take advantage of you because he/she may see your kindness as weakness or an opportunity. I believe we are all entitled to protect ourselves, but I pray I may not be too judgemental of such a person and still remember the worth of every man's soul is great. I hope I may learn the lessons I can from my trials, and become the person I am meant to be.